Twenty Twenty-Two
A wise man once prayed, “May our eyes never see evil.”
I am relieved the evil that is 2022 is finally coming to an end. There is a certain type of shégé one sees that starts to look like regular vision, 2022 sort of summarises that.
I found myself at an RCCG branch on the 31st of December last year, praying strongly to usher myself into the new year on a good note. I wrote down three things that I wanted — a stable relationship, relocation to another country, and a full-time remote job that pays a lot. It is the end of the year, and I am here to announce that I have none.
On Wins.
Similar to my review from last year, I pretty much have the same wins for 2022. Making it alive to write this review is a win and deserves a bottle of something good.
My biggest win for the second year running is the people I have in my life. I struggled so much this year with everything, but one consistently good part was knowing I was cared for and loved by close friends, and even some people on the internet. I had good moments this year. The best was my 25th birthday celebration. Turned up at Lagos social events to vibe to Asake’s Terminator and whine to The Therapist’s Nack. My dresses got shorter and my body got hotter. So shall it continue to be? Amen.
We all need people in our lives. Good, kind, genuine, vulnerable, adventurous, fun, and caring people.
I made new friends and some old ones sadly drifted. I am becoming more relaxed with friendships. Although I hate it, I may start seeing people as temporary rather than needing to form a permanent connection. The fear of losing people puts me in a position where I take whatever effort they give. I am particular about intentionality in my friendships and when that is lacking, or it feels like I am extending myself more than they are, something changes.
I got to do work I liked this year, as well as mentor and teach design. My work at Stears went live much to national acclaim. Being out of full-time employment for the last quarter of the year helped put into perspective the best part of doing product design for me. I enjoyed having the freedom to create work that benefits the business and the users. Got into Andela and this was some sort of validation for me.
On Failures and Ls.
I am immensely disappointed I didn’t get any of the three things I wanted this year. While some factors that didn’t make them happen were beyond me, I still feel like I could have done more.
I promised myself last year that I was celebrating my last Christmas in Lagos. That I would not get to see the silhouette of the Lekki-Ikoyi Link Bridge or smell the dirt in Tejuosho, at least not until there was a need to come home. I watched friends experience their first snow and consequently white Christmas. Felt a bit jealous, and yet happy for them. I should have been there hugging a mug of tea and suggesting that we build a snowman.
I didn’t even travel anywhere for a vacation like I planned because I was so overwhelmed with work, life and everything happening. Inflation and responsibilities equally had me in a chokehold.
Not getting the job I wanted this year has made me numb to rejection emails. But I have gotten better at talking about my work. I did not start any major project, although I have been curating Album Colors.
On Personal Life.
I cried this year more than I have in my whole life. Every day was a struggle to get out of bed, except the days I saw my people. Life always feels significantly better around people you love. There was the perpetual feeling that I wasn’t doing all I was meant to.
Still showed up at the hospital for most of the year, navigating an ailment with work and everything else. I eventually won. One good side effect, my body and I reached a common ground regarding sleep. I can fall asleep now within seconds of closing my eyes. Thankful for good health.
The lowest point of this year was being unemployed, dealing with a rollercoaster love, and not knowing whether I would be homeless. At the start of the year, I had hoped not to encounter pain. It is too damaging and hurtful for me to process. It alters my days and consequently life.
Funny how you can go from relating with someone every day, their breath on your skin, to not knowing if they are fine or not. To have a good thing turn into an emotional hell. To not know who they are anymore. I promised myself that I wouldn’t cry for love this year, but rather write in words how smitten they made me feel. I promised myself that I would find a love that stays. Yet I found myself holding on to people until my hands were tired because they couldn’t be honest. Because their love is not vulnerable, conditional, and unsure. But if you’ve survived one heartbreak, you can survive another.
I believe that things do get better. And there is always better — a better life, a better place, a better job, a better love.
I honestly learned no particular lesson this year that I didn’t already know. Again, things can change when you least expect them. I think this year has reinforced the lesson that life just happens the way it wants without putting your plans into consideration.
Whatever life brings our way, we just have to push through it. 2023 has to be a year of softness and peace of mind for me. I deserve.
Actively making no plans or resolutions, but just going into the new year with the conviction of doing my best in everything and making my life as easy as I can. I want to find joy in the little things. I think you should too.
Rooting for everyone as always. Arigato!
December 30. 12:38 pm.