Twenty Six
Note: This post is best read with Asake’s Sunshine playing in the background.
The week before my birthday, I decided spontaneously to go skydiving. One of the most interesting things about me is how I excel at making impromptu and occasionally good-in-the-end plans. Skydiving is one activity people talk about doing and only sometimes get around to. Not me.
I said I didn’t want a birthday celebration this year because there wasn’t much to celebrate. I was wrong. Halfway through this post’s first draft, my cheeks hurt from how much smiling I had done.
Looking back at the memories I have documented over the last year in the form of notes, pictures, videos, and voice notes, I cannot deny that the rollercoaster that is my life might be worth the storytelling. I complain a lot about how hard it is to write this annual birthday retrospective post, but I am holding myself to doing it every year because it helps to review the good and the bad.
I plummeted down the sky from 14,000 feet, freefalling between the white clouds. I caught a breathtaking view of the scenery of Nottingham when the parachute opened and made a slow descent. There was a new appreciation for the fullness of life that filled my chest.
26 is a big girl’s age. I have insisted on saying it is 18 with eight years of experience. The mid-20s is when it dawns on you that you’re a full-blown adult. Being entirely responsible for yourself and your decisions, which other people can be directly or indirectly impacted by. My parents, yet again, didn’t notify me that I am a trust fund baby, and they’ve been testing me, which means I have unlocked yet another level of responsibility.
I cannot explain why, but I have looked forward to turning 26 because I needed the distraction. An existing coping mechanism, one which might not be adequate, but it works. A checklist was created for things I wanted to do — a photoshoot, skydiving, booking a hotel for the weekend, getting a cake, going on a boat cruise, and having dinner. I did all of these, and the satisfaction is one I encourage everyone to experience.
I got my friends together for an inter-house sports-themed birthday party in August involving different childhood games. Although several parts of the day nearly fell through, we still had a good celebration. Leaving my Stears job at the end of the month was emotional for me. But it was a decision that was a necessary change.
September last year made me relearn rejection from the perspective of job applications. All my efforts to leave the country via a relocation role fell through. I must have said,“God abeg” at least a thousand times daily. I started a social club to explore places in Lagos. This was a good distraction and a way to have fun with my friends. I brought my dancing shoes for Seyitan’s wedding and was reminded that people my age were really getting married.
October found me looking for glimpses of joy in places and people. Explored more art galleries and struggled still to keep afloat. We had a fun beach sleepover where I watched the sunrise and restaurant hopping. I met Johnny Drille and made an appearance in his music video. I bade my sister goodbye as she left for the UK. I attended the ISWIS live show featuring my presidents, FK and Jollz.
November was a roller coaster. Emotional toils that kept me up on some nights, but also fun moments with friends. I didn’t know how and when things would work out, as my efforts were not showing results. Still, I prevailed. Mum came to spend a few days at mine, which boosted my morale. I attended ArtXLagos and my first Halloween outdoors movie event. I hosted a movie character-themed games night, and my friends turned up in their costumes. I attended Johnny Drille’s concert with mixed feelings. Beyoncé was unsurpisingly my Spotify artist of the year. I went to paintball for the first time. I will not be trying it again. I got a new housemate who is now one of my good friends.
December brought some hope, yet it went the way I couldn’t have imagined. Argentina won the FIFA World Cup, ending the decade-long Messi vs. Ronaldo argument. Christmas didn’t feel Christmassy, and not even Palm Wine Music Fest could get me out of the funk. Mo invited me for a Christmas carol, and we ended up at Ouida Open Mic. I had an uneventful Christmas in Ibadan. Still, reuniting with university friends at Ope’s wedding the day after was excellent. It is incredible, really, the warmth of friendships and the fun of being around people with good vibes. The year didn’t end the way I would have loved it to. I begged God for respite at the crossover service.
I started off January in the worst state of despair. Felt the whole universe was out to get me. People will ask, “How are you?” and for once, I didn’t say I was fine. Because I genuinely wasn’t. I wanted to let myself feel all the emotions, but when I lay in bed at night to sleep, I could feel my body shaking while sobbing. Still, my support system didn’t leave and helped me stay sane. The friends that came around often to the apartment to keep me company, the ones that called to check in, the ones that shared things that could help, the ones that gave the warm embrace of hugs. Navigating life at this low point was demoralizing. Bless Nenye for bringing me out to see the Benin head sculptures exhibition. After days of being down, I felt the sun on my skin and told myself everything would be all right.
I made my way to the gym in February to find an outlet. It did work as a good distraction. A new work contract came and things started to positively change. I went right back to exploring places and activities. I learned how to ride a bicycle in one hour. A record achievement. I attended my first house music event and had a fun time. Valentine’s Day was uneventful, but I sent out gifts to my girls. When I heard Tech Nation was shutting down in February, I put all my frustrations into applying for the Global Talent visa. I received the life-changing email days before the month ended.
March came with thicker thighs and accepting the reality that a drastic life change was about to happen. Took a short trip to the Benin Republic to blow off steam. I was rudely reminded that my French isn’t as polished as I thought. Again, I learned expressing your feelings to people you like and ensuring they feel the same way in clear, open, understandable terms is important. I finally had my laser eye surgery and said goodbye to the glasses life. As my move drew closer, I spent the final days with my friends.
April came with many changes. It marked the end of a chapter. I packed my bags to move across the world and started a new life. I missed home a lot and wondered several times if I had made the right decision. I still do, but I’m getting used to and loving my new home.
May was a lot of settling down and adapting to life in a new country. Met and made new acquaintances. I rediscovered my love for cooking. I have managed to set off the fire alarm only once. I saw my favorite, Asa performing live and shed a tear when she sang Bibanke — one moment of silence for lost loves and hearts learning to love again.
I spent a week in Scotland in June and was reminded of the goodness of friendships. From witnessing Seun getting married, to doing TikTok dances with Aramide and the crew. My goodness! Friendship is one of the best things we have in this life. The few days I spent in Rwanda felt like time slowed down, and I loved every bit of it. I had the best travel partners, and the tours were quite immersive of the country’s history. I felt a bit of heartbreak coming home to an empty house. *inserts several reasons I need to marry*
July made me find the soft bits of myself again. I keep saying I need to be more gentle with myself, but it is so hard. I was recognized as a top 1% design mentor on ADPList for three consecutive months and I may be a good person after all. I have been having quite the fun being a Gen Z babe on TikTok. Developed a sudden perfume addiction that might be one of the reasons I’ll declare bankruptcy. Barbenheimmer was a refreshing experience, and I plan to watch both movies again. I let myself get into the nostalgia of Barbie, dressed up in pink and got several compliments at the cinema. A bicycle was my birthday gift to myself, and I fell off it two days after it arrived. I do applaud how dedicated I am to adventures and spontaneous decisions.
I have been in an unusual state of fatigue for a while now. You can insert a joke about it being old age here. I’ll let you have it, or at least the tiny smile on my lips indicates I find it amusing too.
Life has slowed down, and 26 may be the year I learn to appreciate the good parts fully. I am living some of my dreams, after all. There is an air of seriousness I can feel with 26. Like I am a proper adult now. It feels like the age I’m meant to start planning out the next phase of my life now that I’m approaching my late 20s. There is so much to think about. There are grown-up decisions to make and work towards. It feels like the time to get somewhat serious with life and permanency.
I am one of the luckiest because of the people I have in my life. Time after time, I have learned that I will always find my clan and the rare kindness of being cared for. I have taken a lot of emotional hits with relations in recent times. It has made me re-evaluate my position on how deeply I want to regard people and be regarded by them in this age. I will always be emotional and sentimental, but it might be time to give only as much of myself to people as they give me.
I have learned to hug myself tightly with my knees against my chest, rocking myself slightly. Telling myself sorry and that everything will be all right. I have learned healing is not a linear path. On some days, pain comes flooding in, and one must be patient with themselves. I am learning life comes with a myriad of moments that are best enjoyed or navigated with strength.
The possibilities of a new age somewhat thrills me. As cliche as it sounds, it does feel like a new beginning — a reset.
If I could have confidently gone skydiving, there is nothing in this world I cannot face anymore. I am not entirely a strong babe. But while taking each day at a time, I want to try to live a good life and be a great person for my loved ones.
And we must remember, my dear reader, like Asake said;
“The sun’s gonna shine on everything you do.”
August 14. 2:44 am.